We all have people in our lives. Family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, fellow students, etc. Some of them are really close. By choice, or by birth. We don’t get to choose our parents and brothers and sisters – although we actually do (but that is spiritual topic and not everybody believes in the concept). We don’t get to choose our aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, cousins, etc. And we make the choice for a partner, their family is also part of the deal. Like it or not, these people all become part of your own family, your social circle.
Next to family and our social circle, we have our inner circle. Usually there are not that many people in your inner circle, because those in your inner circle are the most trusted people in your life. They are more important than the ones in your social circle. They may include some of your family members, friends, or people you know on a professional level. These are the people you trust the most, beyond any doubt.
It is not easy to let people in your inner circle. First you develop a relationship and when that feels good, when you enjoy each other’s company, you share your deepest feelings, and you know that this person always has your back, you become so close that he or she becomes part of your inner circle.
It has hard enough if strange people do disappointing things, but when it is someone you know, or a friend or a family member… it can be hurtful. When it is someone from your inner circle, it is devastating.
And yet… we all have to deal with that, sooner or later. It is so freaking painful that you might dwell on your pain and your disappointment. And it is totally okay to do that… for a day, two days max.
Let it go
Unfortunately, I had to deal with these situations a couple of times, actually, lately. No fun at all. Last Friday, I was at a family wedding, and one of my family members refused to shake my hand. We grew up together. She is my younger sister. A couple of years ago, I confronted her with her resentment and just asked her if she even wanted to be my sister. She threw me out. Bam. When my favorite aunt died a year later, I informed her. She never replied. Now… another 3 years later, she refuses in public to shake my hand when I walked up to her, with my son next to me. I was stunned. How is it possible that people hold grudges like this for such a long time? And honestly… I don’t even know why. Before, I would have been angry, resentful, etc. Instead, I left the party and went home with my son. Not because I was feeling hurt (which I was… believe me!), but because I did not want to be in a room where I was with someone who apparently hates me. I don’t need that negativity in my life.
I don’t want to present myself here as Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes, but I realized how far I have come. How much I have grown as a person. Sure, it hurts. And my nephew and his wife, the wedding couple, were not pleased with my actions either. But I explained to them why I have chosen to leave. Not sure if that relationship will survive now, but I am hoping it will. And I will put effort in that too.
Don’t live in the past
This morning I was listening to a podcast by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I think it was a recording of a session in Mexico during a week-long training. He spoke about this exact issue. Some people cannot get over something that happened months, years, even decades ago. And then they say: well… this and that happened to me, 30 years ago, and that is the reason why I am the way I am… Seriously? I heard this podcast before, and it was a real eye-opener for me. And this morning again. And then I realized how much I have changed over the past three years. And I am so happy with these changes. I don’t want to be this person who is trapped in the past, while there is so much to be explored in this world, today and tomorrow.
Personal Development & Spirituality
For me, personal development has been a real game changer. Where psychologists, psychiatrists, and rehab could not help me, my personal development and spirituality have. And now I am on my path and I am not going to let anyone, or anything keep me from my goal. I keep my eye on the ball. And if my inner circle (which becomes really small) supports me, they can join me and participate in my success. If not, that is fine too. I am building another inner circle, with like-minded people who support me and who get support from me too. Things are really simple. We just make them complicated.